Lesson 32. 有时，不妨悲伤
Sometimes it's good to be sad
Yǒushí, bùfáng bēishāng
有时，不妨悲伤
Sometimes it's good to be sad
Dào jīntiān wéizhǐ, wǒmen de shèhuì duì hǎo nánrén de biāozhǔn cóng méiyǒu gǎibiànguò:
到今天为止，我们的社会对好男人的标准从没有改变过：
So far, our society’s standards for good men have never changed:
Nánrén yào yǒu zérèn xīn,
男人要有责任心，
men must have a sense of responsibility,
wéirén zhèngzhí, kuānróng, gāngyì, bù bèipàn péngyou;
为人正直、宽容、刚毅，不背叛朋友；
be honest, tolerant, and resolute, and do not betray their friends;
Nánrén yào shàngjìn, yǒu bàofù, yǒu pòlì;
男人要上进,有抱负,有魄力;
Men must be motivated, ambitious, and courageous;
nánrén yào qiānxū, chéngshí, dàfāng;
男人要谦虚,诚实,大方;
men must be humble, honest, and generous;
nánrén yào yǒu xiūyǎng, xīnxiōng kāikuò, chǔjìng jiānnán ér bù tuìsuō,
男人要有修养，心胸开阔，处境艰难而不退缩，
men must be well-educated, open-minded, in a difficult situation without shrinking,
miàn duì dǎjí ér bù cuìruò;
面对打击而不脆弱；
and not fragile in the face of blows;
nánrén shì shēnghuó zhōng de bǎngyàng,
男人是生活中的榜样，
men are role models in life,
jiātíng de kàoshān, shèhuì de zhīzhù.
家庭的靠山，社会的支柱。
the backer of the family, and the pillar of society.
Zǒngzhī,
总之，
In short,
nánrén yào dǐngtiānlìdì, guāngcǎizhàorén, yào yǒu nánrén de qìgài.
男人要顶天立地，光彩照人，要有男人的气概。
a man must stand upright, radiant, and manly.
Bùjǐn rúcǐ,
不仅如此，
Not only that,
nánrénmen cóngxiǎo shòudào de jiàoyù jiùshì
男人们从小受到的教育就是
the education that men have received since childhood is that
“nán'ér yǒu lèi bù qīng tán”,
“男儿有泪不轻弹”，
"real men do not easily cry",
yìsi shì shuō,
意思是说，
which means that
lǐzhì de nánzǐhàn zài bēishāng yě bù qīngyì kūqì,
理智的男子汉再悲伤也不轻易哭泣，
a sensible man will not cry easily no matter how sad,
ài kū de nánrén zǒu dào nǎr dōu huì bèi yī piào fǒujué,
爱哭的男人走到哪儿都会被一票否决,
Wherever a crying man goes, he will be rejected by a vote,
yīnwèi nánrén liúlèi jiù yìwèizhe ruǎnruò, méi chūxī,
因为男人流泪就意味着软弱、没出息,
because a man's tears means weakness and hopelessness,
ér zhè zhǒng jiàoyù shì cóng wáwá shídài jiù qiányímòhuà de zài qǐ zuòyòngle,
而这种教育是从娃娃时代就潜移默化地在起作用了,
and this kind of education has been working imperceptibly since the childhood.
tāmen tiāntiān bèi zhèyàng de gǔxùn biāncèzhe.
他们天天被这样的古训鞭策着。
They are spurred by such ancient precepts every day.
Wǒmen de wénhuà fùyǔle nánrén gāodà, jiānqiáng de xíngxiàng,
我们的文化赋予了男人高大、坚强的形象，
Our culture has given men a tall and strong image,
tāmen zài shēnghuó zhōng bìxū bànyǎn qiáng zhě.
他们在生活中必须扮演强者。
and they must play the strong in life.
Nánrénmen wèi le bù bèi bǐshì,
男人们为了不被鄙视，
In order not to be despised,
bù bèi jīxiào,
不被讥笑，
not to be ridiculed,
wèile yuǎnlí nàxiē ěxīn, bù tǐmiàn de cíhuì,
为了远离那些恶心、不体面的词汇，
and to stay away from disgusting and indecent vocabulary,
qiān bǎi cì àn'àn dīngzhǔ zìjǐ:
千百次暗暗叮嘱自己：
men secretly told themselves thousands of times:
Shāngxīn shì ruǎnruò de biǎoxiàn,
伤心是软弱的表现，
Sadness is a sign of weakness.
nǎpà zāoshòu dǎjí, miàn duì shībài, shòu jǐn wěiqu, yě yīdìng yào jiānqiáng,
哪怕遭受打击、面对失败、受尽委屈，也一定要坚强，
Even if you suffer a blow, face failure, or suffer all kinds of grievances, you must be strong.
zhè shì shénme shíhòu dōu bùnéng hánhú de.
这是什么时候都不能含糊的。
This cannot be ambiguity at any time.
Shíjì qíngkuàng shì,
实际情况是，
The actual situation is that
“nán'ér yǒu lèi bù qīng tán”
“男儿有泪不轻弹”
"real men do not easily cry"
shì shèhuì wénhuà fùyǔ nánrén de yī zhǒng shùfù.
是社会文化赋予男人的一种束缚。
is a kind of restraint given to men by social culture.
Nánrén bùshì móguǐ, yě bùshì shénxiān,
男人不是魔鬼，也不是神仙，
Men are not demons, nor are they gods,
tāmen yěshì yǒuxuèyǒuròu, yǒu jiànquán qínggǎn de rén.
他们也是有血有肉、有健全情感的人。
they are also flesh and blood people with sound emotions.
Nánrén yěyǒu xǐ nù ā lè, yě xūyào guānhuái,
男人也有喜怒哀乐，也需要关怀，
Men also have emotions, anger, sorrow, and joy.
yě xūyào wēnróu de fǔwèi,
也需要温柔的抚慰，
They also need care and gentle comfort.
fǒuzé, zài yǒulì de jiānbǎng yěyǒu bèi yā tā de shí hòu.
否则，再有力的肩膀也有被压塌的时候。
Otherwise, no matter how powerful they are, their shoulders may be crushed.
Shìshí biǎomíng,
事实表明，
Facts have shown that
chángqí de yāyì, yǐnrěn duì jiànkāng zhǐyǒu huàichu, méiyǒu hǎochù,
长期的压抑、隐忍对健康只有坏处，没有好处，
long-term repression and tolerance have only bad effects on health, but no benefit.
fǎnzhī,
反之，
On the contrary,
yǐ shìdàng de fāngshì jiāng qíngxù shìfàng yīxià, rén de xīnxù cái huì biàn dé pínghé.
以适当的方式将情绪释放一下，人的心绪才会变得平和。
people's mood will become peaceful when the emotions are released in an appropriate way.
Qíshí, yǎnlèi shì qíngxù shìfàng de yī zhǒng xíngshì,
其实，眼泪是情绪释放的一种形式，
In fact, tears are a form of emotional release.
rén zài qíngxù yìyù shí huì fēnmì yī zhǒng bèi chēng wèi tòngkǔ jīsù de wùzhí,
人在情绪抑郁时会分泌一种被称为痛苦激素的物质，
When people are depressed, they secrete a substance called pain hormone,
tā huì ràng rén qíngxù dīluò, wújīngdǎcǎi,
它会让人情绪低落、无精打采，
which can make people feel depressed and listless,
yǎnlèi qiàqià kěyǐ jiāng tā páichū tǐwài.
眼泪恰恰可以将它排出体外。
and tears can just excrete it.
Tōngcháng rénmen kūqì hòu,
通常人们哭泣后，
Usually, after people cry,
zài qíngxù qiángdù shàng huì jiàngdī 40%,
在情绪强度上会降低40%,
their emotional intensity will be reduced by 40%.
rúguǒ bùnéng lìyòng yǎnlèi bǎ qíngxù yālì zhuǎnyí diào,
如果不能利用眼泪把情绪压力转移掉，
If they cannot use tears to remove emotional stress,
zé huì yǐngxiǎng shēntǐ jiànkāng.
则会影响身体健康。
it will affect their physical health.
Zhōngyī rènwéi, yōushāng fèi.
中医认为，忧伤肺。
Chinese medicine believes that the lungs are sad.
Dāng rén nánguò, xiǎng kū de shíhòu,
当人难过、想哭的时候，
When people are sad and want to cry,
hóulóng lǐ huì juédé bú shūfu.
喉咙里会觉得不舒服。
they feel uncomfortable in their throats.
Hóulóng zhíjiē tōng fèi,
喉咙直接通肺，
The throat directly passes through the lungs,
hóulóng bú shūfu,
喉咙不舒服，
and the throat is uncomfortable,
jiùshì fèi bù shòu cìjīle;
就是肺部受刺激了；
that is, the lungs are irritated;
rén kū qǐlái chángcháng huì yī bǎ bítì yī bǎ lèi,
人哭起来常常会一把鼻涕一把泪，
people often cry with snot and tears.
zhī suǒyǐ huì liú bítì, yěshì fèi shòule cìjī.
之所以会流鼻涕，也是肺受了刺激。
The reason for the runny nose is the irritation of the lungs.
Yīdàn bēishāng nánguò méiyǒule,
一旦悲伤难过没有了，
Once the sadness is gone,
yě jiù bù zài liú bítìle,
也就不再流鼻涕了，
the nose will no longer be runny,
hóulóng yě huì shūshì qǐlái.
喉咙也会舒适起来。
and the throat will feel comfortable.
Zhè shuōmíng, bēishāng nánguò duì fèi huì yǒu yǐngxiǎng.
这说明，悲伤难过对肺会有影响。
This shows that sadness has an impact on the lungs.
Shāngxīn nánguò zhī jì, bùfáng tòngkū.
伤心难过之际，不妨痛哭。
When you are sad, you might as well cry.
Kū wánle, yīqiè dōu dédàole xiūfù.
哭完了，一切都得到了修复。
After crying, everything was fixed.
Yīncǐ, bù fā gěi nánrén xuānxiè qíngxù de xǔkě zhèng bùshì zhèngdào,
因此，不发给男人宣泄情绪的许可证不是正道，
Therefore, it is not the right way not to give a man a permit to vent his emotions,
nánrén yěyǒu liúlèi de quánlì.
男人也有流泪的权利。
and men also have the right to cry.
Wǒmen chàngdǎo yào gěi nánrén shìfàng qíngxù de kōngjiān,
我们倡导要给男人释放情绪的空间，
We advocate giving men space to release their emotions.
nánrén liúlèi běn zài qínglǐ zhī zhōng.
男人流泪本在情理之中。
It is reasonable for men to cry.
Bùguò, xuānxiè guī xuānxiè,
不过，宣泄归宣泄，
However, catharsis belongs to catharsis.
xuānxiè shí jìhuì kūqì shíjiān guòcháng,
宣泄时忌讳哭泣时间过长，
Don't cry for too long during catharsis.
yībān bùyào chāoguò 15 fēnzhōng,
一般不要超过15分钟，
Generally, it should not exceed 15 minutes.
yāyì de xīnqíng dédào fāxiè, huǎnjiě hòu jiù bùyào zài kū,
压抑的心情得到发泄、缓解后就不要再哭，
When the depressed mood is vented and relieved, don't cry again,
fǒuzé duì shēntǐ fǎn'ér yǒu hài.
否则对身体反而有害。
otherwise it will be harmful to the body.
Yīn wéi rén de wèi cháng jīnéng duì qíngxù jíwéi mǐngǎn,
因为人的胃肠机能对情绪极为敏感，
Because people’s gastrointestinal function is extremely sensitive to emotions,
yōuchóu bēishāng huò kūqì shíjiān guòcháng,
忧愁悲伤或哭泣时间过长，
sadness or crying for too long,
wèi de yùndònghuì jiǎn màn,
胃的运动会减慢，
the movement of the stomach will slow down,
huì yǐngxiǎng shíyù,
会影响食欲，
which will affect appetite,
shènzhì yǐnqǐ qítā wèi bù jíbìng shìfàng qíngxù chúle kūqì,
甚至引起其他胃部疾病释放情绪除了哭泣，
and even cause other stomach diseases to release emotions except crying.
Hái yīng zài xiǎngfǎ shàng zuò tiáozhěng:
还应在想法上做调整：
We should also make adjustments in our thinking:
Rēng diào wàijiè duì nánrén liúlèi de bǐshì,
扔掉外界对男人流泪的鄙视，
throw away the contempt for men's tears from the outside world,
yīnwèi zhè zhǒng bǐshì zhǐshì yī zhǒng xiá'ài de piānjiàn.
因为这种鄙视只是一种狭隘的偏见。
because this contempt is just a narrow prejudice.
Bùyào zǔnáo nánrén liúlèi,
不要阻挠男人流泪，
Don't stop men from crying.
nánrén liúlèi bù děngyú ruǎnruò wúyòng,
男人流泪不等于软弱无用，
Men's tears do not mean that they are weak and useless,
yě bìng bù sàngshī zūnyán.
也并不丧失尊严。
nor do they lose their dignity.
Nánrén běnshēn yě bùbì lǐcǎi biérén shuō sān dào sì,
男人本身也不必理睬别人说三道四，
The man himself does not need to ignore other people's remarks,
shéi dōu bùnéng chángjiǔ de yānmò zài yōushāng, nánguò de qíngxù zhōng.
谁都不能长久地淹没在忧伤、难过的情绪中。
and no one can be drowned in sadness and sadness for a long time.
Ǒu'ěr jùyǒu fùmiàn qíngxù bùshì shénme huàishì,
偶尔具有负面情绪不是什么坏事，
Occasionally having negative emotions is not a bad thing,
tā néng ràng wǒmen gèng liǎojiě zìjǐ,
它能让我们更了解自己，
it allows us to understand ourselves better,
ràng wǒmen chéngzhǎng,
让我们成长，
allows us to grow,
ràng wǒmen gēng shēnkè de tǐwù dào shénme shì kuàilè.
让我们更深刻地体悟到什么是快乐。
and allows us to realize more deeply what happiness is.
Xūzhī,
须知，
It should be noted that
zhēnzhèng de gèrén chéngzhǎng wǎngwǎng láizì yú tòngkǔ, mónàn, ér fēi kuàilè,
真正的个人成长往往来自于痛苦、磨难，而非快乐，
true personal growth often comes from pain and suffering, not happiness.
bùyào mǒshā diào tòngkǔ zài wǒmen chéngzhǎng zhōng de gōngláo.
不要抹杀掉痛苦在我们成长中的功劳。
Don't obliterate the credit of suffering in our growth.
Jìrán bēishāng wú kě bìmiǎn,
既然悲伤无可避免，
Since sorrow is inevitable,
jiù yīnggāi hǎohǎo miàn duì bēishāng,
就应该好好面对悲伤，
you should face sorrow well
bùyào wàngxiǎng shēngmìng zhòng cóng bù chūxiàn zhèyàng de guòchéng hé jiēduàn.
不要妄想生命中从不出现这样的过程和阶段。
and don’t imagine that such processes and stages never appear in your life.
Bìjìng, kuàilè wǎngwǎng shì duǎnzàn de,
毕竟，快乐往往是短暂的，
After all, happiness is often short-lived,
rénshēng suìyuè zhōng gèng duō de bànsuízhe de shì huī'àn de qíngxù,
人生岁月中更多地伴随着的是灰暗的情绪，
and the years of life are more accompanied by gloomy emotions,
ér tā què kěyǐ chéndiàn chū zhìhuì.
而它却可以沉淀出智慧。
which can precipitate wisdom.
Gǎibiān zì “cānkǎo xiāoxī” tóngmíng wénzhāng
改编自《参考消息》同名文章
Adapted from the article of the same name in "Reference News"
Full Translation
Sometimes it's good to be sad
So far, our society’s standards for good men have never changed: men must have a sense of responsibility, be honest, tolerant, and resolute, and do not betray their friends; Men must be motivated, ambitious, and courageous; men must be humble, honest, and generous; men must be well-educated, open-minded, in a difficult situation without shrinking, and not fragile in the face of blows; men are role models in life, the backer of the family, and the pillar of society.
In short, a man must stand upright, radiant, and manly. Not only that, the education that men have received since childhood is that "real men do not easily cry", which means that a sensible man will not cry easily no matter how sad, wherever a crying man goes, he will be rejected by a vote, because a man's tears means weakness and hopelessness, and this kind of education has been working imperceptibly since the childhood. They are spurred by such ancient precepts every day.
Our culture has given men a tall and strong image, and they must play the strong in life. In order not to be despised, not to be ridiculed, and to stay away from disgusting and indecent vocabulary, men secretly told themselves thousands of times: sadness is a sign of weakness. Even if you suffer a blow, face failure, or suffer all kinds of grievances, you must be strong.
This cannot be ambiguity at any time. The actual situation is that "real men do not easily cry" is a kind of restraint given to men by social culture. Men are not demons, nor are they gods, they are also flesh and blood people with sound emotions. Men also have emotions, anger, sorrow, and joy. They also need care and gentle comfort. Otherwise, no matter how powerful they are, their shoulders may be crushed.
Facts have shown that long-term repression and tolerance have only bad effects on health, but no benefit. On the contrary, people's mood will become peaceful when the emotions are released in an appropriate way. In fact, tears are a form of emotional release. When people are depressed, they secrete a substance called pain hormone, which can make people feel depressed and listless, and tears can just excrete it.
Usually, after people cry, their emotional intensity will be reduced by 40%. If they cannot use tears to remove emotional stress, it will affect their physical health. Chinese medicine believes that the lungs are sad. When people are sad and want to cry, they feel uncomfortable in their throats. The throat directly passes through the lungs, and the throat is uncomfortable, that is, the lungs are irritated; people often cry with snot and tears.
The reason for the runny nose is the irritation of the lungs. Once the sadness is gone, the nose will no longer be runny, and the throat will feel comfortable. This shows that sadness has an impact on the lungs. When you are sad, you might as well cry. After crying, everything was fixed. Therefore, it is not the right way not to give a man a permit to vent his emotions,and men also have the right to cry.
We advocate giving men space to release their emotions. It is reasonable for men to cry. However, catharsis belongs to catharsis.
Don't cry for too long during catharsis. Generally, it should not exceed 15 minutes.
When the depressed mood is vented and relieved, don't cry again, otherwise it will be harmful to the body.
Because people’s gastrointestinal function is extremely sensitive to emotions, sadness or crying for too long, the movement of the stomach will slow down, which will affect appetite, and even cause other stomach diseases to release emotions except crying.
We should also make adjustments in our thinking: throw away the contempt for men's tears from the outside world, because this contempt is just a narrow prejudice.
Don't stop men from crying. Men's tears do not mean that they are weak and useless, nor do they lose their dignity. The man himself does not need to ignore other people's remarks, and no one can be drowned in sadness and sadness for a long time. Occasionally having negative emotions is not a bad thing, it allows us to understand ourselves better, allows us to grow, and allows us to realize more deeply what happiness is.
It should be noted that true personal growth often comes from pain and suffering, not happiness. Don't obliterate the credit of suffering in our growth. Since sorrow is inevitable, you should face sorrow well and don’t imagine that such processes and stages never appear in your life. After all, happiness is often short-lived, and the years of life are more accompanied by gloomy emotions, which can precipitate wisdom.
Adapted from the article of the same name in "Reference News"
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